The Stigma On Being Single
discussing my qualms about the stigma of being single, my nonexistent dating life, and providing some source of laughter
So I’m here listening to a podcast (referenced below) about being single and the stigma around it, while I’ve been single for… *does unnecessary mental math* 23 years now. It doesn’t help that Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. *major side eye* I just have so many thoughts I decided I might as well write a post about it.
In society, in movies, and in many cultures, marriage and looking for a “mate” as my grandmother and werewolf lovers put it, is the end all be all. I’ve been asked and have heard from multiple people, “Do you have a boyfriend?” or “Now that you’re (insert age) are you looking for someone or have met anyone?” Like yes, these questions can be innocent, but the problem lies with questioning a person about something they might not even be concerned about.
In terms of dating and putting myself out there, yes I’ve been on a few apps, but it has never gone anywhere for me. It feels like a game, and where I’m at right now, I’d like something organic. There are always periods in my life where I’m like “Ugh having a partner would be nice right now.” I try not to dwell in that mindset, but I do have those normal feelings and thoughts of how a partner would be nice to have. We can’t help it! However, having a partner is exactly that, a “nice to have”, but not necessary.
I have ambitions. I want to try out everything I’ve been afraid of doing for the past two years and travel and do solo trips, the whole 9. I’ve gotten into a groove of being on my own and making decisions that only impact me, which I enjoy especially at 23. This is my time to be selfish and explore more about myself!
There is so much pressure to hit these “milestones of life” but life is not meant to be planned out that way. Life, for me, is about embracing the current moment and sometimes moments to come. Realistically, though, what we are doing or experiencing currently is all we have. There is no promise of a future and the concept of time has falsely given us that impression. Without it, all that would matter is the present. Thank you Eckhart Tolle for bringing me to this realization.
I digress, there is nothing wrong with being single. Forcing myself into a relationship just to not be “alone” is something I cannot convince myself to do. Also, to note, most of us are never really alone due to the presence of friends and family members. It’s so important to focus on the people in my life instead of those I’m supposedly lacking. If there are moments when you’re feeling lonely, that is totally valid, but it is not the worst thing to feel or experience. Instead, do something that you love to do, or go to your favorite place and embrace that feeling!
As I continue in life, more things get clearer about how fragile our lives are and the value we put on such minute and insignificant things. Being single is not the worst thing in the world, hell, it’s super empowering. This is a super short, spur-of-the-moment, late-at-night rant btw, but yeah embrace your singleness! The time will come when you find your person. Don’t desperately aim to have an s.o. to fill a void, because trust me it shows. Always be true to yourself and do what is 100% best for you and your development as a person. And who knows?! This may be the moment in life where you look back and you’re glad you took full advantage of your independence.
There are definitely a few more things I can share on this topic but I will begrudgingly end here. It's currently 2 am as I'm writing this. I was knocked out earlier from taking Zyrtec and then Benadryl due to allergies, and I can't go to sleep now. 💀 I hope you have a happy Galentines/Palentines & I hope you're faring better than me right now!
tata! xx
If you enjoyed this, you should read
Here is the podcast that gave way to this post! Highly recommend.
Also! A reminder to keep talking about Palestine, the DRC, and Sudan, & keep calling and emailing your representatives. Find a protest near you here and learn about the Boycotts, Divestments, and Sanctions (BDS) movement here.